Welcome to CheddarChurch.com

"Come for church, and bring some cheddar..."

CheddarChurch.com is here to bring a little humor, hustle, and maybe even a little grift into your faith journey. Whether you're chasing the cheddar or cutting the cheese, there's a place for you here.

Our Mission Statement

"To unite and equip the hustlers and grifters of the world, teaching them to follow in the footsteps of Cheesus!"

Our Sacred Cere-monies

A three-cheese blend...

I'll take words ending in monies for $500...

• Breaking of the Cheese – In fellowship, we share the sacred nachos, celebrating both earthly bounty and heavenly joy.
• Chasing of the Cheese – We engage in the holy hustle, the passing of the card-reader, believing that faithful grifting leads to divine returns.
• Cutting of the Cheese – This is the house of Cheesus so relax and "let thy most fragrant of offerings rise up like holy incense..."

The 10 Commandments

Suggestions really...

• I am the Cheddar, thy Gouda. Thou shalt not taste any gouda before me.
• Thou shalt not take the name of the Cheddar in vain, unless it’s really funny.
• Remember the Chabbath Day, to keep it holey (and tasty).
• Honor thy cheese and thy crackers, that thy days may be long and delicious.
• Thou shalt not let good cheese go moldy.
• Thou shalt not cut the cheese... without opening a window.
• Thou shalt not steal another's cheddar, but thou mayest borrow with interest.
• Thy grifts must be subtle with a grain of truth lest thou be cast out where the mold is and the bailiff dieth not.
• Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Gouda, nor his Brie, nor his Havarti.
• Thou shalt side-hustle faithfully for thy cheddar, and share it generously with thine upline.

Advice for the Lactose-Intolerant

aka, the unbelievers...

• Try not to poke more holes in our cheezology.
• Try not to spread thy dairy-free doctrines.
• Always remember: The best cheese comes in cans.

Church Hymnity

Our beloved music...

• Ooops, I tooted Again
• How Grate Thou Art
• Holey, Holey, Holey
• Blessed Are The Cheese-Makers
• Oh, How I Love Cheesus
• If You're Gassy And You Know It
• Cheesus Loves Me
• There's Something Churning In My Soul
• There is a Season, Churn...Churn...Churn
• I Surrender All (My Cheddar)

Church Membership

• Would you like to join our congregation?
• Do you share our beliefs?
• Will you share your faith with others?
• Cash App us some cheddar!
  
• Want more status?
• Send more cheddar!

Our Congregation

• Dave & Jolene Knight ($100)
• Douglas J. Raley ($65)
• Glen Keener ($40)